Elaine: The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian. It’s for gettin’ around. It’s like a Jeep. Jerry [to George]: Artistic integrity. Where did you come up with that? You’re not artistic and you have no integrity? Jerry: The woman had an orgasm under false pretenses. That’s sexual perjury!” Mr. Peterman [in Burma]: So did you have any trouble finding the place? Jerry: An audit. It’s the financial equivalent of a complete rectal examination. Kramer: Is there a tree? Frank Costanza: No. Instead, there’s a pole. It requires no decoration. I find tinsel distracting. #Festivus. George: Beautiful women. You know, they get away with murder. You never see one of them lift anything over three pounds.
Elaine: I will never understand people. Jerry: They’re the worst. George: A plane crash? A heart attack? Lupus? Is it lupus. Elaine: How was the doctor date? Jerry: It died on the table. Elaine: I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.
George: She’s got a little Marissa Tomei thing goin’ on. Jerry: Ah, too bad you’ve got a little George Costanza thing goin’ on. Newman: I’ll tell you a little secret about zip codes: they’re meaningless. Jerry: Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don’t stare at it. You get a sense of it and you look away. Kenny Bania: Hey, Jerry, did you see me up there? I was killing, Jerry. Killing. I killed. Kramer: El Paso. I spent a month there, one night. Jerry: Knowing you is like going into the jungle. I never know what I’m going to find next, and I’m real scared. Jerry: A leg man? Why would I be a leg man? I don’t need legs. I have legs. Elaine: Jerry, it’s three-thirty in the morning. I’m at a cockfight. What am I clinging to. Jerry: Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For. Ms. Rhode Island: I’m watching my weight. Jerry: I’m watching my height. My doctor doesn’t want me to get any taller. Jerry: A leg man? Why would I be a leg man? I don’t need legs. I have legs.
George: Looking for the quotes. Gotta check the quotes. Love a good quote. Elaine: The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian. It’s for gettin’ around. It’s like a Jeep.
Yes, it’s from one of his stand ups.; Elaine: Snapple? Babu’s Brother: No, too fruity. Jerry: I do not like the bank. I’ve heard the expression ‘Laughing all the way to the bank’. I have never seen anyone actually doing it. Yeah, well, the jerk store called, they’re running out of you. George: I never tasted a cough medicine I didn’t love. George: This is gonna be my time. Time to taste the fruits and let the juices drip down my chin. I proclaim this: The Summer of George. Jerry: Why do I always have the feeling everyone’s doing something better than me on Saturday afternoon.